


(Sorry I just) Let my love loose again

by kittybenzedrine



Category: Umbrella Academy
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Agender Ben Hargreeves, Aromantic Vanya Hargreeves, Canonical Character Death, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Infatuation, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, Sibling Incest, Suggestive Themes, Unspecified Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Klaus has a problem. It is not necessarily a bad one, but certainly isn't a good one.</p><p>He becomes infatuated far too easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Klaus has a problem. It is not necessarily a bad one, but certainly isn't a good one.

He becomes infatuated far too easily.

At fifteen, he begins to notice himself trailing behind Space like a lost puppy. It's normal, he thinks. Space makes him feel safe, even if he's a dick 90% of the time. Even when he's being a jerk, he always seems to appeal to Hargreeves, to soften the blow of the old man's harsh criticisms. He protects them, like a good leader.

Except, Klaus catches himself _looking_. He finds himself, in secret, admiring the way his brother's face has filled out, the light dusting of white hair on his chin and upper lip. The gorilla body, however odd, isn't really off putting.

When the two of them are alone, stuck with dish duty, Klaus gets fidgety. He dries the last dish and puts it away, looking to Space, who has noticed Klaus being antsy and finally inquiries what's up.

Quietly, Klaus makes his confession. Admits the blooming of feelings that have begun to grow. Space, to his credit, simply nods and listens. When Klaus finishes, Space lightly pats him on the shoulder, leaves the room, and carefully avoids him for the next month.

It's not a cruel thing, Klaus recognizes. In fact, it's the nicest thing he could have done. It was a gentle way to let him down. By the time they're forced to be paired on a mission, all of the feelings are gone.

When he tells Ben about it, they just roll their eyes and ask if he wants to go get ice cream and see if the new Chinese take-out that just opened up is any good. Ben never seems to like to hear about it, but they're Klaus' best friend and he regularly abuses that power.

A little over a year later, Klaus has fallen in and out of love innumerable and has given his first time to a stranger. It is fast and messy and a bit achy, in the back stall of a bathroom in a club he shouldn't be in. The stranger holds him close, sucks dark marks into his collar. He loves that stranger too, just for the night. He loves everyone he gives himself too, which is often and many.

Ben tries reasoning with him. They tell him that it's not love he's feeling, and that what he's doing isn't healthy. They prod at him, scold him when he admits he only uses condoms maybe half the time when he's loving someone. Ben tells him about an STD that could make his penis rot off. He laughs in response.

"You're just jealous cause you're not getting laid," Klaus teases. He ignores how upset his sibling looks. They merely shake their head and drop the subject.

He starts spending more time with Allison, locking himself in her room with her when he has nightmares. When she cradles him against her soft body and wipes the tears from his face, he realizes he has begun to love her too.

She adores the attention he gives her. He does her makeup, helps her sneak out to clubs. With jealousy in his chest, he helps her pick out beautiful outfits for when she sneaks out to meet boys. He listens to her complain about her boyfriend, and urges her to leave the asshole. Partly for his own gain, and partly because the guy sounds like a colossal douche.

He lays back on her bed, watching her tape up a new poster. She puts her stuff away, smoothing down her short skirt as she regards him. Something anxious but excited bubbles in his chest when she climbs onto her bed and sits on his hips. She smirks, seeming to know what she's doing and she grinds down against him.

"Do you like girls, Klaus?" She asks, watching his eyes flutter as she presses against his growing erection. "Cause I really thought you liked boys."

"I just like people," he tells her, placing his hands on her hips. His pants feel damp where she's sitting. His brain short circuits.

"Are you not wearing -?" He breaks off as he lifts her skirt to expose what he wants to see. Her smug expression grows as he looks at her bare skin.

They have sex as often as they can for nearly three weeks, all the while he falls harder for her. He nearly tells her that he loves her when she's half asleep on him late in the evening.

She beats him to speaking though, and his heart clenches.

"We're gonna have to stop doing this. It's fun and all, and you're _really_ good at this, but I can't keep hiding the hickies and soreness from my boyfriend."

"I... I thought you broke up with him?"

"Nah. I was just pissed at him."

They talk, and Klaus manages pretty well to keep how upset he is out of his voice, even keeping tears out of his eyes. He tells her how awful she is for cheating. She laughs and tells him that she knows.

When she falls asleep, he gets dressed and goes to Ben's room. Ben, thankfully, is still awake, and holds Klaus in a bear hug while he cries. He knows that Ben has plenty to say, like that they knew that she was stringing him along, and that they have told him multiple times that it wasn't a good idea. But they just hold him instead.

When Vanya comes home from school two months later for her summer vacation, her and Klaus go out all day so he can catch her up.

She laughs when he says he thought Allison loved him. The noise of the mall food court keeps their conversation private. "Do you really think that narcissist could love anything but herself? I think the only thing she loves more than herself is a mirror!"

"That's... Fair," he replies, and snatches her smoothie to wash down a mouthful of food.

She grabs it back and grins as she stands. "Also, dude, if you fall in love with me like you do with every damn person that you look at, don't bother. I can't feel love like that and you know it."

He grins back and does not tell her that he's already fallen for her.

The two of them, and usually Ben, spend her entire vacation together. When it comes time for her to go back, though it is only an hour away, she refuses. Begrudgingly, their father lets her come back to homeschooling.

During the day, the three of them spend the sticky, warm days (when Klaus and Ben aren't on missions) at ice cream parlors and recreational centers and public pools. As it cools down, they go to ice skating rinks and spend more time at the mall.

Ben notices the way Klaus' stare lingers on her, and they take him aside when the three of them get home one evening.

"Klaus, you always get hurt. Plus, you know Vanya doesn't feel romantic love," they tell him, green eyes stern. Klaus merely grins. Ben looks like they want to shake him, but instead they storm off to their room. Klaus rolls his eyes, used to Ben being cranky when he doesn't take their advice. Quietly, he sneaks past their door to go hang within Vanya.

For all of her talk of not being able to love, she loves him well. She pins him down and loves him hard, leaving scratches on his skin and hickies wherever she can reach. She loves him for months, until both Diego and Ben catch on. Ben watches him with hard, cold looks, and Diego usually looks like he wants to kill Klaus.

Vanya steadily stops spending time with him, and spends more time doing things with her band. Klaus' gaze shifts more towards Diego as Vanya's interest fades. The blonde notices, and takes it the wrong way. He assumes Klaus wants him to know that he and Vanya had been loving each other for months. He assumes Klaus wants to rub it in that he got the girl and Diego didn't.

So Diego takes him by the throat one night and walks the redhead back into his bedroom, eyes narrowed. "What's your fucking deal?" He growls.

Diego turns the two of them and pushes Klaus against the door, hand firm on his neck. Klaus take it the wrong way, thinking it's just some harsh foreplay. He reaches up as best he can, takes hold of the back of Diego's shirt, and kisses him.

He ends up pinned to his bed, with a hiss of "just once" in his ear. For all of his bravado, Diego is a calm, attentive lover. Klaus is not attracted to him, but he is grateful for any love that he's given. He spends most of the time that Diego loves him with a hand over his mouth, keeping him quiet.

An hour later, he sits in Ben's room, quietly telling his sibling about it. Ben's face is dark and clouded, and he interrupts Klaus mid sentence.

"Are you telling me all of this just to hurt me? Because if you are, it's working," Ben says in a low, quiet voice, their jaw clenched.

Klaus' brows furrow. "What are you talking about?"

Ben stares at him incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"... Yes?"

"Klaus, you're an idiot. A straight up idiot. For someone so desperate for love, you're blind to what-" They stop in a huff, trying to work out what they want to say. "I've had a crush on you since we were fourteen! Jesus, Klaus, and for the past three years, I've had to listen to your tales of you whoring yourself out to anyone that looks at you, and calling it "love" and-"

Klaus broke in, a tidal of emotion on his face. "But... It was love. Even if it was only for the time that we... It was still love. And, you've liked me?"

"Klaus, that isn't love. It's sex. Love and sex aren't interchangeable words," Ben tells him in an exasperated tone. "Just because you put your dick in someone or they put theirs in you, that doesn't make it love. And yes, you dense piece of garbage, I've liked you for a long time." They shook their head. "Why do you think I'd get so upset at you for sleeping around, other than the fact that you could have caught something?"

Klaus blinks. His face is blank, in a way that Ben knows means that he's processing the conversation. Ben crosses their arms, waiting for him to speak.

"You..." Klaus swallows hard, blinking rapidly and eyes turning red. "You actually do want to be with me?"

"Yes," they tell him honestly, feeling his fingers latch onto their shirt.

Klaus says nothing, merely looking at them in awe. His storm colored eyes are misty and lined red.

"I'm telling you right now," Ben says, face softening as Klaus leans against them, tears welling in his eyes, "If we do this, you're not getting sex for a long time. This relationship isn't going to be built on sex. If you want this to happen, I'm going to actually show you what proper love is."

They hold Klaus, feeling his nails dig into their side. Their voice softens further. "You deserve to know what real love is, Klaus. I can give you honest, real love if you let me."

Klaus looks up ay him, eyes and face pitifully red. "Please."

Ben nods, and slowly leans down. The kiss that follows is the sweetest thing Klaus has ever felt.


	2. Chapter 2

"Klaus. Klaus, are you still with me?"

He blinks out of his thoughts, looking to the therapist. She raises a furry eyebrow. "Lost in thought there?"

He nods, the faint memory of Ben's taste on his lips. "Yeah. Got a little carried away."

She writes something in her notebook, and Klaus silently wonders what the chimpanzee is putting down now. Maybe something for a med adjustment to make him less "spacey".

"So. You've had trouble your entire life with a healthy definition of love, correct?" She asks, clicking her pen rather annoyingly.

He nods, because that's what he's been told.

"Well. From what you've told me, about your personal definition of love thing, and the way your father treated you, it's expected. You experienced emotional neglect as a young child, and as a result, you determined that any kind of positive attention you received was love. Which includes seeing sexual acts as love."

"Is that why I was a sex addict for so many years?" He jokes, watching her shift. Her eyes flick to the clock above his head.

"That question is for another session. However, I do have a question for you. Do you believe your regression to equating love and sex has to do with Ben's death? Such as your issue with your inappropriate relationships with our volunteers?"

"Oh, you heard about that?" He asks, then shrugs. "Eh. Probably. Ben was the only one to ever love me "properly", and that was an isolated incident. And on top of that, we had to keep the relationship a secret because of the whole "incest" thing even though we weren't related by blood. That, and there's still a lot of people not okay with gay people, so once Hargreeves found out, we had to keep it doubly secret."

He looks up, watching her scratch words onto her notepad.

He sighs. "Whatever. Dr. Bree, isn't my time up?"

She glances at the clock again. "That it is. Head back to your room, Klaus, and I'll see you in a few days. Have a good evening."

His favorite Shinyview orderly is waiting outside the door, and leads him back to his room. The man keeps his hand on Klaus' lower back, a finger curled into his belt loop. He closes Klaus' door behind the two of them and kisses him, nudging him towards the bed and putting a hand down the front of his jeans. Klaus lets himself melt into the bed as the orderly strips him down. He relaxes, letting the other man do whatever he pleases, high on meds and drunk on the love that he's receiving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, bittersweet ending.


End file.
